Open Letter

To everyone who knows me:

Please quit telling me "I told you so."

I want to be very clear about something: I am doing just fine. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I am alright. I pay my bills on time, I have a steady paycheck, I'm a responsible pet owner (Bailey got spayed today), and though I may not know what I want right now, I'm at least getting done what I have to.
This whole Maryland experiment may not have gone the way I would have wished, but I'm proud of myself for doing it anyways. If I leave now, it isn't because I couldn't make it here on my own, or because I can't live without you. I can. I wasn't sure I could when I left, but now I've seen that I can, and that is why I am happy I tried it.

To everyone I don't know:

Please quit coming into my store and calling me "honey," "dear," "girlie," or "babe." I don't know you that well, and if you wouldn't treat my male coworkers that way, what makes you think it's okay to say it to me? Stop touching me. We're not friends; The smile I'm wearing is fake. I'm trying to get you to buy something from my store, because that's my job. I don't think you're charming or witty, and I don't like you invading my personal space.
On the other hand, I also don't like being ignored. After you say hi to ALL THREE of my male coworkers, it would be nice if you'd at least acknowledge my presence. If you don't, then at least don't expect me to fall over myself to help you later.

On that note, to Merry:
Thanks. You've been my saving grace down here. It's been a long time since I've had a close girl friend to just chill with, who wasn't trying to use me to hook up with my friends or just playing nice because we HAD to. I love that you brought me to watch your friend's band play, and that you go out of your way to drag me out for coffee at the bookstore when work or my apartment have become too much for me to handle. I really do appreciate it.

Update

Okay, so it's been a long time since I've posted. Mostly that's because there hasn't been much to say. Things haven't really improved, and if anything, they've gotten worse. I'm coping, but it's made me slightly more neurotic. Now, if my life is a mess, I end up cleaning my room. If my life is going to be a mess, it isn't fair that my room (or car) should be too.
Now, because Bailey's vet appointment to get spayed isn't till the 31st of this month, she's been locked in my room, and has taken her revenge. I've now got a horny and BORED destructo-kitty loose all day in my room, which is looking worse for wear no matter how often I clean it. Plus she keeps me up all night. I suppose this is what it's like to have a sixteen-year-old girl: my house is a mess, she's up all night, and there are two horny boys (Buddy and Po, my housemate's two un-neutered cats) yelling outside my door all the time, despite the numerous threats I've made to them at five a.m.
Student loans are another major stress factor, but I'm slowly getting control of that: I have the two smaller loans on automatic monthly payments, and the two bigger ones I do manually at the end of each month, so I can pay off a little more than just the minimum if I have a little extra in my paycheck. Since that's about all I can do, I have two options:
Option one: I can have a nervous breakdown about all the things I can't control or
Option two: I can do what I can about those, and then concentrate on what I CAN control.
I CAN control my grocery bill. Planning ahead when there are sales, and bringing my lunch to work rather than eating out every day definitely saves money.
I CAN control what I do in my free time. Two hours at the gym after work helps almost as much as a nap, plus it's better than earplugs for ignoring Bailey at night.
I CAN control my spending. Budgeting necessities like gas, food, rent and student loan payments, phone etc, I can see exactly where my money goes every month and not spend it on things I don't need and am just going to have to box up and move.
I CAN control my things. I can't control what how Bailey DESTROYS those things, but I can organize and pack away and give away anything I don't use/need.
I've been applying for new jobs and looking for new apartments everywhere from NY to ME, but nothing definitive yet. I've decided I need to be out by the end of April. The longer I stay here, the harder it will be to move, and the more strained my friendship with Cassie will be.
I'll miss Merry (who I've been hanging out with a lot) like crazy, I'll miss my gym (I have the option of a regular one within walking distance of my house WITH POOL/HOTTUB or an all-girls one a ten-minute drive away) and I'll miss my dentist, because finding a new one is such a pain, especially a nice/good one with a funny assistant.
I'll try to be better now about updating, but with so little going on (and so much of my time spent trying to keep Bailey from eating my bike) I make no promises.